Monday, January 11, 2010

it’s late ~

No alligators tonight.

Back sleepers anonymous.

Hot cat against my back.

Those are three of the blog post titles I was thinking up as I was wishing for sleep to arrive.  It seems as though I’m getting one or two good nights each week. Otherwise, I’m struggling to fend off the cat or break my husband out of some wild dream he is having.

Last night it was alligators at his feet ~ legs kicking and body jolts on and off for at least half the night.  Other nights I am trying to get the cat far enough from my face so I can breath.  He just wants to be too damn close.

I just got up because my back is killing me ~ I can’t relax.  Steve is snoring like crazy and won’t roll off his back. He’s always sleeping on his back and letting out house-shaking snorts and snores. And the cat won’t give me enough room to be comfortable ~ Steve gets half the bed, the cat gets 3/8s, and I get the bit that’s left. 

I know, people do think it is strange that I just don’t kick the cat off the bed, but he bites.  He bites really hard and gets unreasonably mad at me.  I’ve woken up many times in the wee hours with the cat chomped down on my nose. And yes, he DOES draw blood.  So, you see, it is just best not to antagonize him.

So not only does Steve dream of alligators at his feet, I experience a feline alligator at my face ready to make a meal of my nose.

Did I mention that my back hurts?  Spasms. Need sleep, need sleep…

Here’s the only kind of “alligators at my feet” that should be allowed.

I was just looking around the web to see if there really could be a group called Back Sleepers Anonymous.  I found Late Sleepers Anonymous, Tummy Sleepers Anonymous, Non Sleeper’s Anonymous, but no Back Sleepers.

There really should be the “it isn’t fair that the wife gets to be sleepless anonymous” group.  I wouldn’t go, I’d send Steve and cat.  The group would only meet after 1:00am of course and there’s be no dozing allowed. 

They would all have to sit in uncomfortable wooden chairs like the ones in the Whatcom Museum’s Rotunda Room.  The kind that are just a bit too high to allow you to get comfortable, and during the second hour of sitting they always make your legs begin to go numb.

That’s it. That would begin to torture them just enough to get a small taste of my nights. Maybe they’d have to wear the alligator pumps in the photo above just to top it off.  Hummm. Maybe they would have to listen to Glenn Beck talk for 3 to 4 hours (don’t worry, I won’t add his photo to the blog).  Yeah, yeah, that’s it…that would really be torture.


  1. Even royalty has separate bedrooms...there are reasons- sleep is important paraticularly if you have many countries to tax- if you have a job to do- if you want to be healthy.
    I have a faux alligator suitcase- faux alligators are the best kind...

  2. You could try to shut the cat(s) out. It works pretty good sometimes for us. Except when they roll around fighting and bang against the door.